to many WOOOOORDS
Judgement has come!
Age 39, Male
Science Teacher
University of Bath
Gloucestershire, UK
Joined on 11/7/04
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Comments
Oh the irony considering your latest news post... at least this one is in English!
Complete unrelated post that will get your attention.
I meant completely and comment. I should think before pressing on that yellow button.
Hope life is picking up now for you Rob, you really deserve it to.
Thanks Leanne, it really is actually. I've got an interview at Cambridge university on Wednesday for a PGCE- no doctor Rob I'm afraid, but well on my way to being a teacher, with a good dose of sports coaching to go with it.
And I'm moving in with Em in the Summer as well :).
I hope things are going well for you too- shame I couldn't make the London meet up, but I'll do my best to make the next one!
I think he wanted you to be cognizant of his actions, but he couldn't bring himself to tell you personally. Liars always find it easier if they've got that shred of truth to cling to (ie: told your ma he told you kids).
I don't think you should feel as if he were purposely hiding away half of himself from you simply to keep it from you. I think he kept quiet about his actions purely out of shame. He knew you knew everyone around him knew about his infidelity, and probably felt all the less deserving of your affection and admiration because of it. It couldn't have helped that his own mother tossed him out of her house.
Honestly, I bet that was the leading role in the stress that killed him. Shame generates the worst kind of stress, for it's the kind that eats at you during all your lonely hours. When you're cheating on your family with another, the division means that even when you're in company, you feel alone.
Anyway, you shouldn't let it subtract from the memories of your father's merits. You've had the chance to learn the lessons through his hard way.
Thanks, these are the kind of comments that really help. I didn't post this for sympathy, I posted it for comments that reasserted what I wanted to think, and that is exactly what you have done.
It's been 8 months now, and life is pretty much back to normal (though I still get moments every now and again where it hits home that he is gone, and the odd bad dream). The good things I did with him are the ones that have stuck in my memory, after all the bad things were all done away from us, and although it doesn't make what he did right, it hasn't dimmed my memories of him to greatly.
I fully agree that his infidelity no doubt led to the stress that killed him- he must have hidden a great deal from a lot of people, and been in constant fear of it all coming out into the open (even though he probably suspected we all knew).
And the lessons have been learned- there is no way I could ever do what he did to any family I might be lucky enough to have in the future, and I feel thankful that any children I might have will only know of how wonderful their grandfather was rather than any of this.
I haven't read that yet, but did you ever know that you're my hero?
Gagsy
You won't be like him Rob. You're your own man, and I imagine your father wouldn't want you to be like he was too. I bet he was proud of the son he helped raised and regretted the time he spent lying to you and your sister. But that's done now, sadly nothing can be changed, you know the truth. It's just up to you how you remember him.
Sentio
Thanks Leanne, that is one of the best comments I've had in some time, and it pretty neatly sums up the situation without the over dramatic license I used in writing all of that :). As it is I've already started to break away from the route he took- I decided not to do a PhD as it was what he wanted me to do, not what I wanted. I'm doing a teacher training course instead and should be teaching GCSE and A Level biology within a year and a half.
And I've banished the bad memories and I am focusing on the good times with him, usually watching football focus, or when he was watching me play sport and supporting from the sidelines. Those are all things I'll never forget and never stop being thankful for.
Thanks again, you really do know just the right thing to say sometimes. I hope all is well with you and you have a great Christmas. And stop catching me up in the B/P ranks! :P