Judgement has come!
Age 38, Male
Science Teacher
University of Bath
Gloucestershire, UK
Joined on 11/7/04
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Sawdust
Well written, but so vague.
You should seriously expound on the story, when people read it the first thing they'll say is "What's going on?" or "What did I just read?"
Give your story some more depth. This scene is ridiculously short, and if you make it a film and extend it, all it tunrs into is 6 minutes of a guy climbing and talking to an old lady, and memories.
Sentio
Hmm, ok. It is kind of meant to be vague on the background story because ultimately that doesn't matter to the story. What matters is his emotions and his location. It's a small snippet of his life, not the entire story so to speak. Saying that I could include a bit more, and certainly there is room to add to it. I just have to be careful not to kill the mood that is through it at the moment with too much back story.
Thanks for the comment, much appreciated!